"Dear Dad" letters

I think we've all experienced those moments when you want to talk to someone and you scroll through your contacts as to who would "get" what you want to talk about... or who would be one to just talk and alleviate you of the burden of having to talk. I know I've found myself in such scenarios: When I have something bothering me, a funny story, a random thought, whatever it may be--and I just want to share it, but don't know who is best for that moment. 

Moving to a new city (once again), I've felt this search for that friend who understands specific moments. Friendships have invisible boundary lines drawn: 

Work friends are understanding of the daily struggles, successes, stories, etc. because they share those same experiences. Only several have glimpsed into my personal life, beyond civil pleasantries. 

Church friends understand and share the same values, and it's easy to feel comfortable due to sharing the same religious belief. In my 3 months in DC so far, I haven't opened up enough to really know or be known by anybody from this sphere of friends..

Friends not living here are wonderful to share updates, frustrations, stories, but sometimes the new perspectives and lessons are lost. We snapchat, text, send facebook messages, memes, videos, reminders of how much we miss each other, but at the end of the day, we operate in the worlds in which we are living.

And, let's be real honest here, being single, I don't have that one person who has moved with me through these various life phases and changes and about whom I can gush about on Instagram, facebook, my family blog, etc... So, sometimes I find myself lonely and feeling out-of-place. (Which is interesting, as I seem to be IN MANY places...geographically.)

I started doing something recently which may sound sacrilegious upon first hearing it, but I do it most sincerely and with utmost respect. I like to write--whether that be texting, keeping a journal, writing a blog (at which I've failed as of late).... So, the other day I was feeling incredibly down about a mistake I'd made at work. I found some alone time and starting drafting up a text about my feelings in that moment. Then, I thought to whom I'd send it. I went through the usual close friends in my mind, but it just didn't seem right for any one of them.

Then, I had a realization: I learn so frequently about my relationship with my Heavenly Father, but I'm struggling in that department. Sometimes that relationship doesn't feel as real because, well, He's not exactly someone to whom I can send texts, Snapchats, and Facebook messages. But I wondered.... if I were to send my Heavenly Father a text or a letter, what would I say?

So, on my phone, I opened up a Note and started writing, exactly what I wanted to express to SOMEONE in that moment, but about which I couldn't find a specific person to address. I saved it as a "Dear Dad" note. It was the first of several I have so far, and I must say.... it has really helped me visualize and have my Heavenly Father feel even more real. 

I also must admit that I feel nervous about sharing this little quirk/experience with ALL those who happened to read my blog post. I feel shy at times about my beliefs. At work or in other social (non-church-related) interactions, it's easy to say, "I'm Mormon," and set a basic standard of no drinking, sex, partying, etc. and let that define me. But when I get to the more personal level of my beliefs, I feel (sometimes) unsure how to communicate those without feeling like a weirdo. I know, I know, I should "not [be] ashamed of the gospel of Christ," and I never thought I was, but it's hard to communicate my feelings sometimes regarding gospel subjects which, in reality, mean the world to me. 

So, I hope that I can continue my little "Dear Dad" letter-writing, and continue to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father, who is literally the Father of my spirit.